30 Months and A Diagnosis of ... ???

Remember the days when a kiss on your boo-boo would make everything better? And you went to the doctor when you were sick knowing that the doctor would know EXACTLY what was wrong with you and give you the EXACT RIGHT medication to make it you feel good again. And they always got it right on the very first time! I miss those days when a 20 minute trip to the doc fixed everything...

When John and I got married, we knew we wanted to start a family. For some reason, the thought of "what if we have trouble" stayed in our minds. We decided in September, 2008 to go off of birth control and just "see what happened." By my yearly check up in April, 2009, absolutely NOTHING had happened! So I told my doctor about us trying to get pregnant and that it had been about 7 months. She said she didn't want to put me on anything until we had been trying for a year. (I found out later that many doctors will start working on your infertility if you haven't gotten pregnant in 6 months--oh well.)

Up until this point, my courthouse job had been tough to deal with, but things really got horrible around this time. I began to have very irregular cycles after always being a 28-29 day cycle girl. At one point, I was having cycles lasting 45 days and 63 days. For a girl that had been trying to get pregnant for just under a year, missing your period means you take more pregnancy tests than I ever knew existed. Seeing that one line or "not pregnant" so many times was awful. It was at this time that I asked my doctor to run tests for us to find out who the culprit was...John or me. We both trusted each other that no matter who was having fertility issues that we wouldn't place blame or get upset with each other or ourselves. It was a solution to the problem. A way to "fix" what was wrong with us.

So hubby was "checked out" and the results came back that he was just fine! He has plenty of "boys" and most of them knew how to move and get the job done! So I then "knew" that it was me. I was the reason that we couldn't get pregnant--or so I thought. The doctor ran a set of blood tests on me that checked levels of all kinds of hormones (estrogen, progesterone, etc.) and all the numbers came back perfect. Not a problem at all! So then she ran a set of tests to check my thyroid a a few other blood levels that can sometimes mess up your fertility. Again, perfect! No problems, nothing wrong. The doctor even used  the words "textbook perfect results." Apparently nothing was wrong with either of us.

My doctor then began using the word "timing" a lot. She thought maybe our "timing" was off and we just needed a little something to help us "try" when we knew I would be ovulating. It was then decided that the medication Clomid was introduced into our lives. However, before she would prescribe it to me, I had to go in for a test called an HSG, or hysterosalpingogram. It is an X-Ray that looks inside the uterus and fallopian tubes. They make you have this test done to make sure there aren't any blockages in the fallopian tubes so that when you take the Clomid the eggs can get through and to make sure that a blockage isn't the reason that you can't get pregnant. It is also a way to check the size and shape of your uterus to make sure that there are no problems. 

I had to go up to the Women's Hospital in Greensboro to have this test done. It was a less than pleasant experience. I had to lay down on this cold slab and have this large metal donut X-Ray machine put on top of my abdomen area. They then ran dye "up there" and hold it in place so it can flow through the uterus and fallopian tubes. This HURT!! The radiologist kept telling me to take in a deep breath and hold it. Once I got that deep breath in, the pain hit and I couldn't breathe again if I tried. She told me I may have some "mild cramping" during the test--HA! Mild cramping my tail!! I hurt like I had never hurt before. I remember laying there thinking that John was going to have to leave work and come get me because there is no way I could drive in this pain. And then it was over. The dye had ran through and they took the speculum out. The radiologist turned the screen around so that I could see the pictures she had taken. She happily informed me that I had a perfectly normal shaped uterus, no blockages in my tubes, and once again--nothing wrong!

The doctor called me in a prescription of Clomid 50 mg with instructions to take one pill a day on cycle days 3-7 and then "try" every other day from cycle days 8-22. (For those that think their hubby would be in heaven with their wife all over them for 15 days, think again. Sex became our job--all the enjoyment was out of it and we just did what we had to do. This took a toll on us mentally. I'm just so fortunate to have a great marriage and we made it through!) She told us this should make us get pregnant, no problem. She explained everything. And then she moved to West Virginia. No kidding. At this point it's May, 2010 and she's been with me during this whole journey and knows my whole history over the last infertile year...and then she's gone. No warning, no clue at all. Just gone! She put me on Clomid with the promise of a baby and was gone. I realize that she was not required to stay just for me, but for you women who really love and trust your gynecologist, it's hard to just up and be left!

Fortunately, my good friend Emily had just had her baby (our sweet goddaughter) and told me how much she loved her gynecology office. I got the phone number and called up there. I was so pleased to hear them answer the phone, "Wendover OB/GYN & INFERTILITY"!!! I was so happy, I cried out to the poor lady on the other end, "I need a fertility doctor!!!" She laughed and said "ma'am, all of our doctors here specialize in infertility--you are in good hands!" She set me up with Dr. Mody & gave me my first appointment in September, 2010. I had been on Clomid for 3 months at this point. When I went to see her, she asked me why I had been trying for 2 years and haven't done anything but 3 months of Clomid. I broke down crying and said that I had just been following the advice of the Doctor I was with before.

I remember asking her, "What's wrong with us? Why can't we get pregnant?" She told me that from what she could see from all our test results, we just had unexplained infertility. However, knowing the stress from my courthouse job, she said she thought that stress could be the culprit. This was the 4th doctor that had told me that. My old gynecologist, my family doctor and another gynecologist had all told me the same thing before. Knowing that my job could really be the reason I wasn't getting pregnant was just a slap to the face. She said it was time to leave all that in the past and asked me if we were ready to get aggressive with our infertility and beat it. Through big ole alligator tears, I told her that yes we were.

She laid out a plan. I was so happy I could have hugged her. I am such a plan girl and all of this infertility nonsense had gone totally against "my plan." She put me on Clomid 100mg for October and November and had me come back in and check to see if I really did ovulate. Blood results confirmed that I did. So when that didn't work, in December she had us do Clomid 100 again and then on cycle day 12 administered an HCG shot to trigger my ovulation. She instructed us to try within 24-48 hours. This was nice--instead of a marathon of forcing ourselves to be "in the mood" non-stop, we just had to have timed sex 2 times. We could enjoy ourselves after that! We really thought that we would have a nice Christmas surprise. Unfortunately, on December 23rd that dream was shattered by the presence of my monthly visitor. I was so upset that I just cried for hours. My poor husband couldn't console me and I think he even shed a few tears himself. It was so hard thinking we may have been able to share with our family a great Christmas miracle and then realizing that it wasn't happening--AGAIN!

Our next step in the plan was supposed to be an IUI in January. IUI is IntraUterine Insemination. This is a less than romantic process in conceiving. They take hubby's sperm and "wash" them to get the best sample. Then they will take the sperm and place them in a very thin catheter and insert it through my cervix into my uterus and deposit the sperm there. This puts them a lot closer to the fallopian tubes so they have a shorter distance to swim to the egg in the fallopian tubes. There was only one problem...my horrible job. At this point things were at their worst so I was in full fledge panic/anxiety/chest pains/high blood pressure/stressed out mode. I was so afraid that even if the IUI worked, my stress levels would cause me to miscarry. So we decided to hold off for a few months to see what happened. Well, God performed the miracle of making me a WAHW and now all my stress has subsided!

So that brings us to today, March 28, 2011. Tomorrow I will be going to see Dr. Mody to have my yearly check up and then she will perform an ultrasound to check my follicles. I took my clomid 100mg last week on the 5 days I was supposed to and I have my hcg trigger shot in the refrigerator to take up there with me tomorrow. If they find that I have some mature follicles, they will administer the hcg shot. I will then make the appointment for hubby and I to go back in a couple days to have our IUI procedure performed. We decided that it was time to take the plunge and start this procedure. We are having to let go of our "traditional views" on how a baby should be conceived and do what is necessary. Like we've been saying, if you are having a heart attack you don't just lay there hoping it will get better. You go to the hospital and allow doctors to make you better. I fully believe that God is the miracle worker and one of those miracles is giving our doctors the knowledge to help us cure our aches, pains, sickness, disorders, etc. So through prayer and a load of faith, we are going to go down this new road toward finally meeting our beautiful baby Griffin.