Today is a WONDERFUL DAY!! Today John and I get to take care of our god-daughter Julianna while Josh and Emily go to Raleigh to spend the day with some of Josh's family and go to a concert. They are spending the night in Raleigh, so they asked us if we would be willing to take care of Juju (her nickname) today and tonight and they will pick her up tomorrow mid-morning. We are not only SO excited to get to spend some really great quality time with our god-daughter, but really honored that Josh and Emily trust us to take care of the person they both love the most in the world!
They dropped her off a little after 12 p.m. and headed on to big Raleigh-wood. Juju was so good. She never once fussed or cried when her Mommy and Daddy left. That made Josh and Emily feel good I think because they know Juju is very happy with us! Now they get to go relax and have a great time! She drank most of her juice cup, played with her da-de's (babies) and helped John with his homework (pointing at everything in John's school book with her pen!) We also danced and waived at the doggies in the back yard. And while John doesn't believe me, when John would go and work on the computer in the other room to do his homework, Juju would look at the door and holler "JOHN" and "John-John"! She did it about 5 times, but only when he would leave her. She ADORES John, most of the time prefering to go to him over the rest of us! Once he would come back in the room, she would just give a huge smile and want him to pick her up. So even though he doesn't believe me, Juju and I know she was hollering for him!
Then after several long eye rubs and laying down on the floor, I knew it was naptime. Her pack-n-play is set up in our room because it is the darkest. (That's just for naptime--we will put the pack-n-play in my office for night time.) We went in there and I sat with her on the bed to get her comfortable in a new room. Then I laid her down and turned her "Violet" dog on to sing her to sleep and laid her down. She fussed for only about 2-3 minutes and then was out like a light! She's still napping now, which is how I am able to do a blog post.
When Juju gets up, we will probably go take her to see my parents (if they are home) and maybe go to the park to play in the swings. John and I can't wait to be parents, but in the meantime being god-parents really ROCKS and we are so thankful that Josh and Emily love us and trust us to give us that title for their precious girl!
July 3, 2011
June 23, 2011
Explanations, Promotions, Vacations & Other -tions! A recap since my last post...
Wow! I can't believe my last post was May 4th! A LOT has happened since then. Unfortunately, none of it is a pregnancy. That's right, our 2nd IUI didn't work. It wasn't too upsetting, since I didn't really expect it to work anyway. What stunk was I found out by getting my monthly (unwanted) visitor on May 17th--our 3 year anniversary! At my last visit, Dr. Taavon told me something that about made me fall out of my chair. He told me that what we've been told for the last two and a half years (going on 3) was a total lie. We've been told this whole time that we are having unexplained infertility. So that's why no one has given us a real solution to help us get preggers. Well, Dr. Taavon told me that we aren't unexplained at all!! He said that I don't have regular ovulating cycles and that John has low sperm count. There...infertility EXPLAINED!! He said that since I ovulate perfectly with the Clomid and Ovidrel shot, then my end is taken care of. He said that Dr. Yalcinkaya should be able to work with John and either find a medicinal or procedural fix for him or we will just have to go with IV-F if we want to get pregnant. It sounds weird to say this, but I felt so much better being told that we have an explanation now!
John and I are going over our options as in do we want to go for the IV-F if that's our only way to get pregnant, or do we want to go the adoption route. In the meantime we are taking a break from non-stop baby thoughts and giving ourselves a rest. We figure after almost 3 years of trying to get pregnant and countless fertility treatments, we need a rest from the stress and disappointment month after month. We have postponed our appointment with Dr. Yalcinkaya until October 17th. We desperately want a baby, but we know our limits and feel this break will do us both a lot of good.
The reason we decided to wait until October 17th for our specialist appointment is because we wanted to go after we get back from MEXICO!!! That's right, the Griffin's are headed to the Moon Palace Resort in Cancun at the beginning of October! I earned a free trip through my Thirty-One business. It's only for Directors and above and it's for 6 days all expenses paid by the company! PLUS we get extra "Cancun Bucks" once we get there for massages, souvenirs, etc. And Thirty-One provides so many extra gifts and amenities above and beyond the free all-inclusive trip--John and I are so excited to get SPOILED!!!!! See some of the fabulous pics below!
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Another amazing perk of being a part of Thirty-One is the amazing Dream Rewards that we can earn! I was able to earn the top level which is a $2000 gift card to either Best Buy, Carnival Cruise or Disney! Since we earned the trip to Mexico, John and I decided to take the Best Buy card! I am getting an iPad 2 with some accessories (PINK COVER!!) and getting an Xbox 360 with Kinect for John. He helped me SO much this last year with my business, so I wanted him to be able to get something rewarding too! He's been wanting an Xbox for a while now and I'm so happy to get it for him for FREE!! We also think we will get a nice 32" flat screen TV with a built in DVD/Blu Ray player for our bedroom. We have the 13" that I have had since the 7th grade in our bedroom right now! It is still a GREAT TV and we will probably move it into one of our offices if we get a new one.
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John and I are going over our options as in do we want to go for the IV-F if that's our only way to get pregnant, or do we want to go the adoption route. In the meantime we are taking a break from non-stop baby thoughts and giving ourselves a rest. We figure after almost 3 years of trying to get pregnant and countless fertility treatments, we need a rest from the stress and disappointment month after month. We have postponed our appointment with Dr. Yalcinkaya until October 17th. We desperately want a baby, but we know our limits and feel this break will do us both a lot of good.
The reason we decided to wait until October 17th for our specialist appointment is because we wanted to go after we get back from MEXICO!!! That's right, the Griffin's are headed to the Moon Palace Resort in Cancun at the beginning of October! I earned a free trip through my Thirty-One business. It's only for Directors and above and it's for 6 days all expenses paid by the company! PLUS we get extra "Cancun Bucks" once we get there for massages, souvenirs, etc. And Thirty-One provides so many extra gifts and amenities above and beyond the free all-inclusive trip--John and I are so excited to get SPOILED!!!!! See some of the fabulous pics below!
Another amazing perk of being a part of Thirty-One is the amazing Dream Rewards that we can earn! I was able to earn the top level which is a $2000 gift card to either Best Buy, Carnival Cruise or Disney! Since we earned the trip to Mexico, John and I decided to take the Best Buy card! I am getting an iPad 2 with some accessories (PINK COVER!!) and getting an Xbox 360 with Kinect for John. He helped me SO much this last year with my business, so I wanted him to be able to get something rewarding too! He's been wanting an Xbox for a while now and I'm so happy to get it for him for FREE!! We also think we will get a nice 32" flat screen TV with a built in DVD/Blu Ray player for our bedroom. We have the 13" that I have had since the 7th grade in our bedroom right now! It is still a GREAT TV and we will probably move it into one of our offices if we get a new one.
Something else exciting happened in May! I promoted to Senior Director with Thirty-One Gifts!! This was SO awesome because my goal once I promoted to Director in September was to be able to promote to Senior Director by my 1 year anniversary with the company--May 1! I promoted to Senior Director on April 30th!! I am so excited to be able to attend my first National Conference as a Senior Director! God has totally blessed my business!
May 4, 2011
IUI #2 Recap
It's been 2 days since our IUI and I feel nothing like I did the last time. Maybe that's a good thing because the last time didn't take. I guess we'll see in a couple weeks. But for now, I'm taking it back to Monday morning...
Right when I finished my last post, John was finished with his "part" so we went and got a Starbucks break! When we got back to the clinic, they were ready with our sample, so we headed on over to Wendover OB/GYN. This time, Dr. Taavon did our IUI since Dr. Mody is still out of town. This whole IUI experience was so different. No crazy green straw thing stretching my cervix and causing me lots of pain! Dr. Taavon was in and out before I even knew what happened! He was so great and took the time to go ahead and answer all of John and my questions about the specialist and our next steps. He is so patient and kind and really takes the time with his patients and makes sure we are taken care of! For these reasons, John and I mutually decided to switch my primary doctor to Dr. Taavon. I'm so happy with our choice. Dr. Taavon also got our specialist appointment set up for June 3rd for our initial consultation.
We left from our appointment after spending 30 minutes with my hips sky high in the air and headed over to Ham's Lakeside for another wonderful lunch! We really enjoy how beautiful it is out there! Just so relaxing--we love it!
We arrived home about 1:00 p.m. and had a GREAT surprise sitting on our front porch! We got our Body by Vi 90 Day Challenge kit! Here is some info on the Body by Vi challenge--check it out!! John and Amanda's Website: http://youshakeitoff.myvi.net/
ons! We started yesterday and when John and I woke up this morning, I had lost 1.8 pounds and John lost 3.8 pounds--IN JUST ONE DAY!!!!!! We are hooked! I can't wait to see how much we lose and what we look like at the end of the 90 days!!
Right when I finished my last post, John was finished with his "part" so we went and got a Starbucks break! When we got back to the clinic, they were ready with our sample, so we headed on over to Wendover OB/GYN. This time, Dr. Taavon did our IUI since Dr. Mody is still out of town. This whole IUI experience was so different. No crazy green straw thing stretching my cervix and causing me lots of pain! Dr. Taavon was in and out before I even knew what happened! He was so great and took the time to go ahead and answer all of John and my questions about the specialist and our next steps. He is so patient and kind and really takes the time with his patients and makes sure we are taken care of! For these reasons, John and I mutually decided to switch my primary doctor to Dr. Taavon. I'm so happy with our choice. Dr. Taavon also got our specialist appointment set up for June 3rd for our initial consultation.
We left from our appointment after spending 30 minutes with my hips sky high in the air and headed over to Ham's Lakeside for another wonderful lunch! We really enjoy how beautiful it is out there! Just so relaxing--we love it!
We arrived home about 1:00 p.m. and had a GREAT surprise sitting on our front porch! We got our Body by Vi 90 Day Challenge kit! Here is some info on the Body by Vi challenge--check it out!! John and Amanda's Website: http://youshakeitoff.myvi.net/
ons! We started yesterday and when John and I woke up this morning, I had lost 1.8 pounds and John lost 3.8 pounds--IN JUST ONE DAY!!!!!! We are hooked! I can't wait to see how much we lose and what we look like at the end of the 90 days!!
May 2, 2011
Here we go again
Well its that time again folks!! We are doing IUI number 2 today. I for one am not excited about it!! I am just tired of the emotional roller coaster each month. But it's the last step before we get our referral to the infertility specialist. I had to go have my follicle study done on Friday. The ultrasound tech (who I love by the way!!) said she found one really big follicle on my left ovary!
Dr. Mody is out of the office for a few weeks so I had to talk to Dr. Taavon. I really like his straight-shooter type of personality. He came right in and said "so you've been at this a while now...you've got to be getting tired of this crap right?" I just laughed and told him that tired doesn't even begin to describe it! He was very straightforward and told me that with the Clomid and Ovidrel I'm ovulating every month and at the right time now so my issue is fixed. He asked me if John has been checked out and I told him yes by a certain urologist in Asheboro (who shall remain nameless) who told him his sperm count is little low but "it only takes 1 to get her pregnant!" Dr. Taavon looked at me like I was crazy and said "that's bullshit!" It really shocked me that he was so blunt...but I also appreciated it! He said that most urologists just want to do surgery and don't want to mess with male infertility. So as long as there's not ZERO sperm they will tell them they are fine and send them on their way!
Dr. Taavon said he wants us to try the IUI once more and then refer me to a specialist. He said that if the IUI doesn't work the specialist will check us out and see if there is either a procedure or some medication to increase his count. If there isn't or it it doesn't work, Dr. Taavon said our only next step is IVF (in vitro fertilization.) This was a hard thing to hear but I was very thankful for him being honest with me!
So Saturday night, I gave myself my Ovidrel shot (yes I was a big girl this time) and now I'm sitting in the waiting room at Wake Forest Reproductive Medicine clinic as John does his part of this procedure! I'm just ready for my Starbucks!!
Dr. Mody is out of the office for a few weeks so I had to talk to Dr. Taavon. I really like his straight-shooter type of personality. He came right in and said "so you've been at this a while now...you've got to be getting tired of this crap right?" I just laughed and told him that tired doesn't even begin to describe it! He was very straightforward and told me that with the Clomid and Ovidrel I'm ovulating every month and at the right time now so my issue is fixed. He asked me if John has been checked out and I told him yes by a certain urologist in Asheboro (who shall remain nameless) who told him his sperm count is little low but "it only takes 1 to get her pregnant!" Dr. Taavon looked at me like I was crazy and said "that's bullshit!" It really shocked me that he was so blunt...but I also appreciated it! He said that most urologists just want to do surgery and don't want to mess with male infertility. So as long as there's not ZERO sperm they will tell them they are fine and send them on their way!
Dr. Taavon said he wants us to try the IUI once more and then refer me to a specialist. He said that if the IUI doesn't work the specialist will check us out and see if there is either a procedure or some medication to increase his count. If there isn't or it it doesn't work, Dr. Taavon said our only next step is IVF (in vitro fertilization.) This was a hard thing to hear but I was very thankful for him being honest with me!
So Saturday night, I gave myself my Ovidrel shot (yes I was a big girl this time) and now I'm sitting in the waiting room at Wake Forest Reproductive Medicine clinic as John does his part of this procedure! I'm just ready for my Starbucks!!
April 19, 2011
On to cycle #32
Oh well--another one bites the dust! I started seeing a little spotting Sunday night, had nothing Monday all day and then started spotting again Monday night. When I woke up this morning, Tuesday, I decided to take a pregnancy test just to know for sure. Several people had told me that they had spotting for a few days, but were in fact pregnant. So I took the test, waited 3 minutes and then looked to see 1 line=not pregnant. I let John and know and we are both upset. We know everything comes in God's time, but we just can't understand why it can't happen for us.
I have spent most of the morning crying (sobbing) and trying to get a hold of myself. For those that think it gets easier every month because we should be used to it by now, it doesn't and we aren't! In fact, it seems to get harder each month. I feel like a piece of my heart dies each month of heartbreak! But we will be strong and move on.
I have always been a person that just needs a day to cry and be upset and then the next day I will be able to wake up and be strong and ready to move forward! So today is my day. I know I will cry, be upset, feel hopeless and sorry for myself for today. Tomorrow is a new day and I will be ready to move forward when tomorrow comes. But for today, I'm healing and praying that one day our miracle will come. Thank you to those that are praying with us.
I have spent most of the morning crying (sobbing) and trying to get a hold of myself. For those that think it gets easier every month because we should be used to it by now, it doesn't and we aren't! In fact, it seems to get harder each month. I feel like a piece of my heart dies each month of heartbreak! But we will be strong and move on.
I have always been a person that just needs a day to cry and be upset and then the next day I will be able to wake up and be strong and ready to move forward! So today is my day. I know I will cry, be upset, feel hopeless and sorry for myself for today. Tomorrow is a new day and I will be ready to move forward when tomorrow comes. But for today, I'm healing and praying that one day our miracle will come. Thank you to those that are praying with us.
April 12, 2011
Progesterone Results
Last Friday, April 8th, I had to go up to Dr. Mody's office to have my blood drawn for a progesterone check. I literally was in there maybe 5 minutes. I checked in, the technician called me back, took me straight to the chair, poked my right arm and sent me to check out. It was a whirlwind of a visit!! The technician told me that I would get my results back on Monday. I confirmed with her that this was just to test ovulation and she said yes. I headed out the door and that was that!
We enjoyed a great weekend with our best friends. John and Josh got our deck stained while Emily and I took Julianna shoe shopping. She got some cute little white sandals for the summer. The boys did such a great job on our deck--it's SO pretty!! It's a dark brown/reddish color (doesn't look that dark in the pic but it is DARK!) They are going to do Josh's deck this weekend! Check out the pic below.
John also surprised me by picking up a can of Valspar Positively Pink satin paint for my office! I've been wanting to put some color on these walls for a while and it was a lovely surprise! I'm hoping we can get it done sometime this week and I'll post pics of the finished room. But of course, I couldn't wait to see how the color would look, so I had to smear some on the wall. Check it out!
By the time Monday morning came, I had forgotten all about my progesterone test! I guess I "knew" I ovulated because I had felt those crazy little bursts last Sunday. So I was surprised when I saw Wendover OB/GYN pop up on my phone around 10:30 a.m. yesterday! Heather, one of Dr. Mody's nurses, told me that my level was at a 20, so that's good. She sounded positive, but I have no idea what that means, so I asked her what the scale was. She said that anything over an 8 indicated ovulation had occured. She said even if it was a 9 they would know that I had ovulated. And since Friday was my day 20 of my cycle (you are supposed to be tested on day 21), she said it may have even been higher on Saturday. But of course they aren't open on Saturday so I couldn't be tested then!
In true fashion of someone that has been dealing with infertility, I asked, "Now what--what's the next step?" She told me the next thing was just to wait and see if my period came or not. If it doesn't, to take a test and call them with the results. If it does, call them to figure out the next cycle. And that was that!
I called John to let him know that I did definitely ovulate. He was excited to hear this as we realized our procedure wasn't a waste as long as I ovulated! We both knew that I did because of the bursts--but we felt better knowing for SURE! So now it's just a waiting game. We are praying for God's will to be done but also praying that we are in fact pregnant this month! We appreciate everyone that is praying with us!!
We enjoyed a great weekend with our best friends. John and Josh got our deck stained while Emily and I took Julianna shoe shopping. She got some cute little white sandals for the summer. The boys did such a great job on our deck--it's SO pretty!! It's a dark brown/reddish color (doesn't look that dark in the pic but it is DARK!) They are going to do Josh's deck this weekend! Check out the pic below.
John also surprised me by picking up a can of Valspar Positively Pink satin paint for my office! I've been wanting to put some color on these walls for a while and it was a lovely surprise! I'm hoping we can get it done sometime this week and I'll post pics of the finished room. But of course, I couldn't wait to see how the color would look, so I had to smear some on the wall. Check it out!
By the time Monday morning came, I had forgotten all about my progesterone test! I guess I "knew" I ovulated because I had felt those crazy little bursts last Sunday. So I was surprised when I saw Wendover OB/GYN pop up on my phone around 10:30 a.m. yesterday! Heather, one of Dr. Mody's nurses, told me that my level was at a 20, so that's good. She sounded positive, but I have no idea what that means, so I asked her what the scale was. She said that anything over an 8 indicated ovulation had occured. She said even if it was a 9 they would know that I had ovulated. And since Friday was my day 20 of my cycle (you are supposed to be tested on day 21), she said it may have even been higher on Saturday. But of course they aren't open on Saturday so I couldn't be tested then!
In true fashion of someone that has been dealing with infertility, I asked, "Now what--what's the next step?" She told me the next thing was just to wait and see if my period came or not. If it doesn't, to take a test and call them with the results. If it does, call them to figure out the next cycle. And that was that!
I called John to let him know that I did definitely ovulate. He was excited to hear this as we realized our procedure wasn't a waste as long as I ovulated! We both knew that I did because of the bursts--but we felt better knowing for SURE! So now it's just a waiting game. We are praying for God's will to be done but also praying that we are in fact pregnant this month! We appreciate everyone that is praying with us!!
April 8, 2011
April 4, 2011
And now we pray!
Boy was today ever interesting! We got up at 7:30 a.m. to get ready for our Big Day! John took the whole day off so that we weren't stressing to make sure he got back at work at a specific time. We were out the door by 8:15 a.m. and heading up to Greensboro.
We arrived at the Greensboro office of the Wake Forest Infertility Clinic for John's 9:00 a.m. appointment about 5 minutes early. They took us back to a room where they gave us the instructions and we filled out a little paperwork. Then the fun part came--the nurse told John that he needed to "collect" and we left him to do his contribution to this procedure. Needless to say, he got the better end out of this deal!
Once his job was done, the nurse let us know that it would take about 40 minutes to perform the "washing" procedure and that we could go get some breakfast and come back. Neither of us were very hungry but a Starbucks break sounded great! So we headed over to the Harris Teeter in the Friendly Shopping Center and went to the Starbucks that is in there. (It was the closest one.) John and I got our favorite Caramel Macchiato--but had mine made decaf...just in case! We sat at a little table and shared a few laughs over his part of the process. (Those jokes will remain private!)
We enjoyed our coffees and then headed out to go back to the WFIC. When we arrived the nurse popped right out and called us back to the lab room. She handed me a vial in a "Hazardous Material" baggie and told me to keep it upright and warm by holding it in a closed tight fist. She gave us our paperwork and we headed back up the road to head to Dr. Mody's office. It was only about 5 minutes away and we arrived at 10:00 a.m. on the dot! We got ourselves checked in and paid the copay (not too bad) and sat in the waiting room. We were only there about 3 minutes and Dr. Mody's nurse, Diana, came and got us. She is just so cute and sweet! She took my vitals (normal BP again! YAY!) and asked me to make sure my bladder was empty. After that, she took us into the room where our procedure would take place. She asked me to get undressed from the waist down and hop up on the table and cover up with one of those very "concealing" paper sheets (sense the sarcasm). After she shut the door, I began to do just that! John's eye's got huge and said "Are you supposed to be getting naked in here?" I just looked at him and said, "How else do you think this is going to work?" That melted us both into giggles and made me realize just how tense we had both been. I can always rely on that hubby of mine to get me cracked up and help me to relax.
Meanwhile, I've been holding that vial of what John called "his boys" during this whole process trying to keep that precious vial warm. It wasn't but maybe another 2 minutes and Diana came back in the room with Dr. Mody. They were ready to do the procedure! Dr. Mody asked me when I took my shot and if I felt myself ovulate--I was so happy to tell her about my "bursts." She smiled and said that it all sounded good and were we ready. John had a few questions, one of which was what is the percentage of success. I was interested in that too because some thing I had read on the internet had said as low as only 6%. I knew it couldn't be right because the percentage of conceiving naturally is much higher than that in healthy couples. But in the back of my mind, I still worried. Dr. Mody explained that with Clomid, Ovidrel & IUI combined there was an over 50% chance that it could work! OVER 50%??? I was shocked it was that high!!
We were then ready to do the IUI. John came and stood by my head and I had to scoot all the way to the end of the table. She inserted the speculum and hinged it open. She then had to take this green straw device to open my cervix up. This caused a LOT of cramping and I involuntarily tensed up. Dr. Mody couldn't proceed anymore until I could relax. John swooped in and was my hero to help me relax. He held my hand with his left hand and with his right hand covered my forehead--a very comforting thing for me. He quietly kissed me and asked me to relax and take a deep breath and that's just what I did. Magically, I was able to unclench and she was able to proceed.
What didn't help was when I looked up at John and his eyes were HUGE! He had seen the catheter she was going to use to insert the sperm in my uterus and by the look on his face I knew he was shocked. I had seen a picture of one before but never in person. His words "just don't look at it" went in one ear and out the other with me. I looked up right as they finished drawing the sperm into the catheter and Diana held it up. I swear the thing was 3 feet long! (John later told me it was only about 10 inches long -- that's still huge!!) I worked very hard to remain calm and relaxed. All of a sudden Dr. Mody says, "OK there we go!" I thought she said "here we go" and asked her how long it would take. She said, "No we're done!" I hadn't felt a thing. She took the catheter out and then released the speculum. The whole thing took about 10 minutes. She helped me scoot back on the table, tilted it back and told me to lay there with my feet propped up for 30 minutes. She said that I needed to come in on Friday for a Day 21 Progesterone blood test. And then she left us to our wait.
John grabbed a couple of magazines--Baby and Parenting--and gave them to me to look through. We also talked about the possibility of multiples and what we would do if that happens. We are both very positive about having twins or triplets and we know that if that is the children God blesses us with, He will provide a way for us to take care of them! We also talked about what we would name 2 or 3 babies. We have a girl's name and a boy's name picked out that we love, but it took us forever to get those narrowed down--I can't imagine having to pick out more all at once! And how would we decide who got what name? This topic got us both laughing. Well I saw a new side of my hubby at that point. He quickly turned into this highly protective man instructing me to stop laughing because I could "bounce our babies around." For the 45 minutes I laid there (the nurse got busy and came and released us 15 minutes after our time limit!) John wouldn't let me move, cough, laugh, sneeze, or do anything because he was aftraid I was going to mess our procedure up. Bless his heart--I loved seeing how protective he was being.
Once Diana came back and got us, I got redressed and we headed out the door. Have you ever seen "The Back Up Plan" with Jennifer Lopez? I felt like her walking out of the office with my legs clenched together. I didn't even notice I was doing it until John turned around and said "Baby...walk normal!" I guess I was just so worried that I would lose any of the deposit that I was clenching. I made my appointment at check out for Friday at 9:45 a.m. to have my blood checked and we left the office.
Hubby decided he was going to treat me to lunch at one of my favorite spots in Greensboro, Ham's Lakeside off of Cone Blvd. The food there is of course great because it's Ham's, but that's not why I love it there. This Ham's sits on the shore of a very beautiful and serene lake and I love to eat outside and watch the gentle waves lap into the shore. I'm definitely a girl that loves to be on the water...whether its the beach, lake or even just a fishing pond. Water is so calming to me and that was the exact environment I wanted. We had a nice lunch and sat enjoying the calm lake and beautiful blue sky together. It was truly such a perfect time and I was so happy!
We headed home and by the time we got here my bladder was about to burst! As I made a mad dash to the bathroom, John in his protective voice said "DON'T FORCE THE PEE OUT!" I wanted to laugh but I had to GO! When I was in the bathroom, I noticed some traces of blood. That SCARED me to death! I hopped on the phone and called Dr. Mody's office and left a message with the nurse to call me back. While I was waiting on the return call, I noticed some slight cramping almost comparable to gas pains. It didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable. When the nurse called me back, I told her about what had been going on. She said that the cramping and spotting was a normal thing and not to stress about it. She said that in cases where the doctor has to force the cervix open, as Dr. Mody had to do for me, it can cause a bit of bleeding. I felt a lot better.
At this point, hubby and I CRASHED HARD! We had been totally calm and collected the whole day but I guess the excitement and anticipation of our procedure had wiped us out. We both laid down and took an hour and a half nap. It was wonderful! I woke up and (carefully) ran to the bathroom to check and see if I was still spotting. Fortunately, it had stopped! But the crazy abdominal feelings have continued. I haven't decided if it really is out of the norm or if I'm just really concentrating on that area of my body so I'm noticing every move. Either way, I'm not going to complain a bit because I'm hoping that each funny little twinge may be bringing us closer to a baby Griffin!
So that's been our day. Mostly a lot of laying around and resting. And laughing at my hubby being like a little mother hen monitoring my every move! If he's this protective of me at the possibility of getting pregnant, I can't imagine how he will be when I really am! We always joke that he will wrap my belly in bubble wrap--now I think that's gonna be more of a reality and less of a joke! HA! But overprotective or not, I know he is going to be a fantastic daddy and I'm so happy that he's my hubby!
And now we pray! And hope and dream and wait and pray some more! We know that God is in control and to quote Kate Gosselin, "science and humans had given their best efforts, and now the results ultimately lay in God's hands." (In researching IUI's, her name has come up a lot--for "multiple" reasons!) So we will endure our 2 week wait and hope and pray that the procedure worked and we will soon be seeing 2 pink lines on a stick!
We arrived at the Greensboro office of the Wake Forest Infertility Clinic for John's 9:00 a.m. appointment about 5 minutes early. They took us back to a room where they gave us the instructions and we filled out a little paperwork. Then the fun part came--the nurse told John that he needed to "collect" and we left him to do his contribution to this procedure. Needless to say, he got the better end out of this deal!
Once his job was done, the nurse let us know that it would take about 40 minutes to perform the "washing" procedure and that we could go get some breakfast and come back. Neither of us were very hungry but a Starbucks break sounded great! So we headed over to the Harris Teeter in the Friendly Shopping Center and went to the Starbucks that is in there. (It was the closest one.) John and I got our favorite Caramel Macchiato--but had mine made decaf...just in case! We sat at a little table and shared a few laughs over his part of the process. (Those jokes will remain private!)
We enjoyed our coffees and then headed out to go back to the WFIC. When we arrived the nurse popped right out and called us back to the lab room. She handed me a vial in a "Hazardous Material" baggie and told me to keep it upright and warm by holding it in a closed tight fist. She gave us our paperwork and we headed back up the road to head to Dr. Mody's office. It was only about 5 minutes away and we arrived at 10:00 a.m. on the dot! We got ourselves checked in and paid the copay (not too bad) and sat in the waiting room. We were only there about 3 minutes and Dr. Mody's nurse, Diana, came and got us. She is just so cute and sweet! She took my vitals (normal BP again! YAY!) and asked me to make sure my bladder was empty. After that, she took us into the room where our procedure would take place. She asked me to get undressed from the waist down and hop up on the table and cover up with one of those very "concealing" paper sheets (sense the sarcasm). After she shut the door, I began to do just that! John's eye's got huge and said "Are you supposed to be getting naked in here?" I just looked at him and said, "How else do you think this is going to work?" That melted us both into giggles and made me realize just how tense we had both been. I can always rely on that hubby of mine to get me cracked up and help me to relax.
Meanwhile, I've been holding that vial of what John called "his boys" during this whole process trying to keep that precious vial warm. It wasn't but maybe another 2 minutes and Diana came back in the room with Dr. Mody. They were ready to do the procedure! Dr. Mody asked me when I took my shot and if I felt myself ovulate--I was so happy to tell her about my "bursts." She smiled and said that it all sounded good and were we ready. John had a few questions, one of which was what is the percentage of success. I was interested in that too because some thing I had read on the internet had said as low as only 6%. I knew it couldn't be right because the percentage of conceiving naturally is much higher than that in healthy couples. But in the back of my mind, I still worried. Dr. Mody explained that with Clomid, Ovidrel & IUI combined there was an over 50% chance that it could work! OVER 50%??? I was shocked it was that high!!
We were then ready to do the IUI. John came and stood by my head and I had to scoot all the way to the end of the table. She inserted the speculum and hinged it open. She then had to take this green straw device to open my cervix up. This caused a LOT of cramping and I involuntarily tensed up. Dr. Mody couldn't proceed anymore until I could relax. John swooped in and was my hero to help me relax. He held my hand with his left hand and with his right hand covered my forehead--a very comforting thing for me. He quietly kissed me and asked me to relax and take a deep breath and that's just what I did. Magically, I was able to unclench and she was able to proceed.
What didn't help was when I looked up at John and his eyes were HUGE! He had seen the catheter she was going to use to insert the sperm in my uterus and by the look on his face I knew he was shocked. I had seen a picture of one before but never in person. His words "just don't look at it" went in one ear and out the other with me. I looked up right as they finished drawing the sperm into the catheter and Diana held it up. I swear the thing was 3 feet long! (John later told me it was only about 10 inches long -- that's still huge!!) I worked very hard to remain calm and relaxed. All of a sudden Dr. Mody says, "OK there we go!" I thought she said "here we go" and asked her how long it would take. She said, "No we're done!" I hadn't felt a thing. She took the catheter out and then released the speculum. The whole thing took about 10 minutes. She helped me scoot back on the table, tilted it back and told me to lay there with my feet propped up for 30 minutes. She said that I needed to come in on Friday for a Day 21 Progesterone blood test. And then she left us to our wait.
John grabbed a couple of magazines--Baby and Parenting--and gave them to me to look through. We also talked about the possibility of multiples and what we would do if that happens. We are both very positive about having twins or triplets and we know that if that is the children God blesses us with, He will provide a way for us to take care of them! We also talked about what we would name 2 or 3 babies. We have a girl's name and a boy's name picked out that we love, but it took us forever to get those narrowed down--I can't imagine having to pick out more all at once! And how would we decide who got what name? This topic got us both laughing. Well I saw a new side of my hubby at that point. He quickly turned into this highly protective man instructing me to stop laughing because I could "bounce our babies around." For the 45 minutes I laid there (the nurse got busy and came and released us 15 minutes after our time limit!) John wouldn't let me move, cough, laugh, sneeze, or do anything because he was aftraid I was going to mess our procedure up. Bless his heart--I loved seeing how protective he was being.
Once Diana came back and got us, I got redressed and we headed out the door. Have you ever seen "The Back Up Plan" with Jennifer Lopez? I felt like her walking out of the office with my legs clenched together. I didn't even notice I was doing it until John turned around and said "Baby...walk normal!" I guess I was just so worried that I would lose any of the deposit that I was clenching. I made my appointment at check out for Friday at 9:45 a.m. to have my blood checked and we left the office.
Hubby decided he was going to treat me to lunch at one of my favorite spots in Greensboro, Ham's Lakeside off of Cone Blvd. The food there is of course great because it's Ham's, but that's not why I love it there. This Ham's sits on the shore of a very beautiful and serene lake and I love to eat outside and watch the gentle waves lap into the shore. I'm definitely a girl that loves to be on the water...whether its the beach, lake or even just a fishing pond. Water is so calming to me and that was the exact environment I wanted. We had a nice lunch and sat enjoying the calm lake and beautiful blue sky together. It was truly such a perfect time and I was so happy!
We headed home and by the time we got here my bladder was about to burst! As I made a mad dash to the bathroom, John in his protective voice said "DON'T FORCE THE PEE OUT!" I wanted to laugh but I had to GO! When I was in the bathroom, I noticed some traces of blood. That SCARED me to death! I hopped on the phone and called Dr. Mody's office and left a message with the nurse to call me back. While I was waiting on the return call, I noticed some slight cramping almost comparable to gas pains. It didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable. When the nurse called me back, I told her about what had been going on. She said that the cramping and spotting was a normal thing and not to stress about it. She said that in cases where the doctor has to force the cervix open, as Dr. Mody had to do for me, it can cause a bit of bleeding. I felt a lot better.
At this point, hubby and I CRASHED HARD! We had been totally calm and collected the whole day but I guess the excitement and anticipation of our procedure had wiped us out. We both laid down and took an hour and a half nap. It was wonderful! I woke up and (carefully) ran to the bathroom to check and see if I was still spotting. Fortunately, it had stopped! But the crazy abdominal feelings have continued. I haven't decided if it really is out of the norm or if I'm just really concentrating on that area of my body so I'm noticing every move. Either way, I'm not going to complain a bit because I'm hoping that each funny little twinge may be bringing us closer to a baby Griffin!
So that's been our day. Mostly a lot of laying around and resting. And laughing at my hubby being like a little mother hen monitoring my every move! If he's this protective of me at the possibility of getting pregnant, I can't imagine how he will be when I really am! We always joke that he will wrap my belly in bubble wrap--now I think that's gonna be more of a reality and less of a joke! HA! But overprotective or not, I know he is going to be a fantastic daddy and I'm so happy that he's my hubby!
And now we pray! And hope and dream and wait and pray some more! We know that God is in control and to quote Kate Gosselin, "science and humans had given their best efforts, and now the results ultimately lay in God's hands." (In researching IUI's, her name has come up a lot--for "multiple" reasons!) So we will endure our 2 week wait and hope and pray that the procedure worked and we will soon be seeing 2 pink lines on a stick!
April 3, 2011
Big Day!
Well, tomorrow is the big day! Tomorrow we go up to the doctor to have the IUI performed. Late late late last night, hubby gave me my Ovidrel shot. I decided I just wasn't brave enough to stick myself and he was more than happy to volunteer to do it! Ha! He did a great job though and even gave me a bandaid for my boo-boo! :-)
This morning we were at worship service at our church, North Ridge, and I felt it. "It" was my body ovulating!! WOO HOO!! I felt the first one at 11:25 a.m. It felt like this sharp, slightly painful, burst in my right side. It caught me off guard and I jumped and grabbed my side. John jumped too and asked me what was wrong. With a big grin on my face I said, "I think I just ovulated!" Later after service, we told our pastor, Dean, and one of our prayer warrior couples, Dr. & Mrs. Lennon, about our procedure tomorrow and they assured us they would be praying for us! We believe in the power of prayer and believe that God can and does work miracles--and will work one in our lives for us to have a child!
Then we went to Walmart to get some groceries for our Sunday Supper with our friends, the Soto's! We've started getting together on Sunday afternoons and playing with Julianna and then enjoying nice, homemade suppers together! This afternoon was extra fun because the Soto dogs, Maggie & Toby, came to play with our dogs Semper & Maggie Rae! As we were picking up the few groceries we needed for Mozzerella Stuffed Meatballs (YUM-O!), I felt another burst--this time on my left side! This was about 12:30 p.m. It hurts just for a split second, but the feeling of something "bursting" inside is just bizarre. On our way back home from Walmart, around 1:30 p.m., I felt another burst on my right side. And that was it for the day. The great thing about that is when the doctor did my follicle study, she said there were 2 sizeable follicles on my right side and 1 on my left. So hopefully those are the ones that released the eggs.
So now hubby and I are eagerly waiting for tomorrow to get here so we can have our procedure done which will hopefully bring us our first baby Griffin! I feel very good about this procedure. I struggled for a long time with the thought of having a procedure to have a baby. I just didn't feel like it was the natural way that God intended it to happen. But I then realized that God gave our doctors the minds and the knowledge to devise these medications and procedures to help us. If I were having a heart attack, I wouldn't just lay here and say God will make me ok. I have the faith that that can happen, but lots of times the way He helps us is through other people. John and I have both come to terms with the fact that there is no "right way" to have a baby for us. But we know that we are going to be great parents to the baby that God blesses us with! And we know that we will have that baby--no matter if he or she is conceived naturally or via medications/injections/procedures! It doesn't matter the path we take--as long as we end up with the result of having our own baby to love and cherish, that's all that matters!
So wish us luck and lots of sticky baby dust tomorrow! We would love for this to be the month that we FINALLY get to see those 2 pink lines!!
This morning we were at worship service at our church, North Ridge, and I felt it. "It" was my body ovulating!! WOO HOO!! I felt the first one at 11:25 a.m. It felt like this sharp, slightly painful, burst in my right side. It caught me off guard and I jumped and grabbed my side. John jumped too and asked me what was wrong. With a big grin on my face I said, "I think I just ovulated!" Later after service, we told our pastor, Dean, and one of our prayer warrior couples, Dr. & Mrs. Lennon, about our procedure tomorrow and they assured us they would be praying for us! We believe in the power of prayer and believe that God can and does work miracles--and will work one in our lives for us to have a child!
Then we went to Walmart to get some groceries for our Sunday Supper with our friends, the Soto's! We've started getting together on Sunday afternoons and playing with Julianna and then enjoying nice, homemade suppers together! This afternoon was extra fun because the Soto dogs, Maggie & Toby, came to play with our dogs Semper & Maggie Rae! As we were picking up the few groceries we needed for Mozzerella Stuffed Meatballs (YUM-O!), I felt another burst--this time on my left side! This was about 12:30 p.m. It hurts just for a split second, but the feeling of something "bursting" inside is just bizarre. On our way back home from Walmart, around 1:30 p.m., I felt another burst on my right side. And that was it for the day. The great thing about that is when the doctor did my follicle study, she said there were 2 sizeable follicles on my right side and 1 on my left. So hopefully those are the ones that released the eggs.
So now hubby and I are eagerly waiting for tomorrow to get here so we can have our procedure done which will hopefully bring us our first baby Griffin! I feel very good about this procedure. I struggled for a long time with the thought of having a procedure to have a baby. I just didn't feel like it was the natural way that God intended it to happen. But I then realized that God gave our doctors the minds and the knowledge to devise these medications and procedures to help us. If I were having a heart attack, I wouldn't just lay here and say God will make me ok. I have the faith that that can happen, but lots of times the way He helps us is through other people. John and I have both come to terms with the fact that there is no "right way" to have a baby for us. But we know that we are going to be great parents to the baby that God blesses us with! And we know that we will have that baby--no matter if he or she is conceived naturally or via medications/injections/procedures! It doesn't matter the path we take--as long as we end up with the result of having our own baby to love and cherish, that's all that matters!
So wish us luck and lots of sticky baby dust tomorrow! We would love for this to be the month that we FINALLY get to see those 2 pink lines!!
March 29, 2011
Ultrasound Results and the Next Steps...
I went to see Dr. Mody today to have a follicle study done. I was supposed to have my yearly physical done too, but whoever scheduled my appointment messed up. I have to wait another month because the one I had last year was on April 20th. So it has to be after that. Oh well--didn't really care about that part of the visit! I wanted to see those follicles!
So I got in the ultrasound room and got to sit on those one of those super comfy chairs with the stirrups. OK--I don't like the stirrups part, but to quote Rachel on Friends, "I swear if they sold these at Pottery Barn!!" Anyways--the ultrasound technician came in and began the examination. This is not a horrible experience, but since it's an internal exam, it's not very pleasant either. They take this long wand and put what looks to me like a condom over it and squirt the goo to do the examination internally. First she measured my uterus and said it looked good. Then comes the not fun part. She has to rotate the wand inside to look at my right ovary and then my left. This causes me some mild cramping. I could see on the screen in front of me that I had several follicles with both ovaries, but there were 2 on my right and 1 on my left that were sizable enough to be considered maturing. They measured at 13 mm each. And that was it--I could get dressed and go sit in the waiting room for Dr. Mody to come talk to me.
While I was waiting, the nurse came and got me because she forgot to check my blood pressure. This made me nervous. I have had high blood pressure for the last 2 years thanks to the ridiculous amounts of stress from my old job. At the highest--at least highest recorded--it was 148/110. This was just back in January. I know that even when the stress goes away, the damaging effects from it can last for a while. So I have been concerned that my blood pressure would remain high. Especially being at an appointment to discuss our infertility--my nerves are on edge with that topic anyway. But I put on a brave face and stuck my right arm out for her to slip the cuff on. I was just praying that maybe it had gone down just a little. I waited as she pumped the cuff up tight and listened to the stethoscope. When she was done she started to enter my numbers in the computer. I couldn't take it anymore and asked her what my reading was. She nonchalantly said 110/80!!! WOO HOO!!! I got so excited--I just couldn't believe it! I was seated back in the waiting room and I just bowed my head and thanked God for making me healthy again!
Then Dr. Mody came and got me and took me in her office. She said having 3 maturing follicles was a great number to perform the IUI. She said that the follicles need to grow to 20 mm before they will be ready to rupture and release the egg(s). She did some sort of "follicle growth math" and estimated that they would hit 20 mm on Sunday, April 3rd. That's in 5 days. She told me to wake up early Sunday morning (like 5 a.m. or earlier) and give myself the Ovidrel shot--my hcg trigger shot. (Not sure how I'm gonna do that, but for my baby Griffin, I will do anything!) That should cause me to ovulate on Sunday. The IUI procedure is supposed to be performed between 24-36 hours after taking the trigger shot.
So Dr. Mody got us set up for Monday, April 4th, to have our IUI performed. At 9 a.m. hubby will make his "contribution" which will go through a process called sperm washing. It basically is a process to separate the sperm from the semen because you don't want semen going up into the uterus. Apparently it can cause infection. Who knew?! They will then give us the washed sperm in the prepared catheter to take to Dr. Mody's office. We are supposed to be at Dr. Mody's office at 10 a.m. and she said that they will take us right back to do the insemination. She said the insemination process should only take about 30 minutes and then I have to lay with my hips elevated for about 30 more minutes. And that's it! Then we go home and wait and PRAY!!!
Dr. Mody did want to make me aware of the risk of multiple babies with this procedure. The Clomid carries a 5-10% chance on its own. Adding Ovidrel and the IUI increases that percentage. I told Dr. Mody that we want to start our family--no matter if it's with 1 baby or by doing it all at once with multiples. She smiled and said she understood--just wanted to make sure that I understood the possibility was there. She also told me that we needed to "try" on Friday to make sure we cover our bases just in case I ovulate before the trigger shot.
So now I am just gonna keep taking my prenatal vitamins and work on being brave enough to give myself the shot on Sunday!! I'm so excited to be healthy again and I really feel like my body is capable of taking care of the precious little life that God is going to bless us with one day! Hopefully it's this month with the IUI but if not, I will hold on to my faith that God will bless us with a child!
So I got in the ultrasound room and got to sit on those one of those super comfy chairs with the stirrups. OK--I don't like the stirrups part, but to quote Rachel on Friends, "I swear if they sold these at Pottery Barn!!" Anyways--the ultrasound technician came in and began the examination. This is not a horrible experience, but since it's an internal exam, it's not very pleasant either. They take this long wand and put what looks to me like a condom over it and squirt the goo to do the examination internally. First she measured my uterus and said it looked good. Then comes the not fun part. She has to rotate the wand inside to look at my right ovary and then my left. This causes me some mild cramping. I could see on the screen in front of me that I had several follicles with both ovaries, but there were 2 on my right and 1 on my left that were sizable enough to be considered maturing. They measured at 13 mm each. And that was it--I could get dressed and go sit in the waiting room for Dr. Mody to come talk to me.
While I was waiting, the nurse came and got me because she forgot to check my blood pressure. This made me nervous. I have had high blood pressure for the last 2 years thanks to the ridiculous amounts of stress from my old job. At the highest--at least highest recorded--it was 148/110. This was just back in January. I know that even when the stress goes away, the damaging effects from it can last for a while. So I have been concerned that my blood pressure would remain high. Especially being at an appointment to discuss our infertility--my nerves are on edge with that topic anyway. But I put on a brave face and stuck my right arm out for her to slip the cuff on. I was just praying that maybe it had gone down just a little. I waited as she pumped the cuff up tight and listened to the stethoscope. When she was done she started to enter my numbers in the computer. I couldn't take it anymore and asked her what my reading was. She nonchalantly said 110/80!!! WOO HOO!!! I got so excited--I just couldn't believe it! I was seated back in the waiting room and I just bowed my head and thanked God for making me healthy again!
Then Dr. Mody came and got me and took me in her office. She said having 3 maturing follicles was a great number to perform the IUI. She said that the follicles need to grow to 20 mm before they will be ready to rupture and release the egg(s). She did some sort of "follicle growth math" and estimated that they would hit 20 mm on Sunday, April 3rd. That's in 5 days. She told me to wake up early Sunday morning (like 5 a.m. or earlier) and give myself the Ovidrel shot--my hcg trigger shot. (Not sure how I'm gonna do that, but for my baby Griffin, I will do anything!) That should cause me to ovulate on Sunday. The IUI procedure is supposed to be performed between 24-36 hours after taking the trigger shot.
So Dr. Mody got us set up for Monday, April 4th, to have our IUI performed. At 9 a.m. hubby will make his "contribution" which will go through a process called sperm washing. It basically is a process to separate the sperm from the semen because you don't want semen going up into the uterus. Apparently it can cause infection. Who knew?! They will then give us the washed sperm in the prepared catheter to take to Dr. Mody's office. We are supposed to be at Dr. Mody's office at 10 a.m. and she said that they will take us right back to do the insemination. She said the insemination process should only take about 30 minutes and then I have to lay with my hips elevated for about 30 more minutes. And that's it! Then we go home and wait and PRAY!!!
Dr. Mody did want to make me aware of the risk of multiple babies with this procedure. The Clomid carries a 5-10% chance on its own. Adding Ovidrel and the IUI increases that percentage. I told Dr. Mody that we want to start our family--no matter if it's with 1 baby or by doing it all at once with multiples. She smiled and said she understood--just wanted to make sure that I understood the possibility was there. She also told me that we needed to "try" on Friday to make sure we cover our bases just in case I ovulate before the trigger shot.
So now I am just gonna keep taking my prenatal vitamins and work on being brave enough to give myself the shot on Sunday!! I'm so excited to be healthy again and I really feel like my body is capable of taking care of the precious little life that God is going to bless us with one day! Hopefully it's this month with the IUI but if not, I will hold on to my faith that God will bless us with a child!
30 Months and A Diagnosis of ... ???
Remember the days when a kiss on your boo-boo would make everything better? And you went to the doctor when you were sick knowing that the doctor would know EXACTLY what was wrong with you and give you the EXACT RIGHT medication to make it you feel good again. And they always got it right on the very first time! I miss those days when a 20 minute trip to the doc fixed everything...
When John and I got married, we knew we wanted to start a family. For some reason, the thought of "what if we have trouble" stayed in our minds. We decided in September, 2008 to go off of birth control and just "see what happened." By my yearly check up in April, 2009, absolutely NOTHING had happened! So I told my doctor about us trying to get pregnant and that it had been about 7 months. She said she didn't want to put me on anything until we had been trying for a year. (I found out later that many doctors will start working on your infertility if you haven't gotten pregnant in 6 months--oh well.)
Up until this point, my courthouse job had been tough to deal with, but things really got horrible around this time. I began to have very irregular cycles after always being a 28-29 day cycle girl. At one point, I was having cycles lasting 45 days and 63 days. For a girl that had been trying to get pregnant for just under a year, missing your period means you take more pregnancy tests than I ever knew existed. Seeing that one line or "not pregnant" so many times was awful. It was at this time that I asked my doctor to run tests for us to find out who the culprit was...John or me. We both trusted each other that no matter who was having fertility issues that we wouldn't place blame or get upset with each other or ourselves. It was a solution to the problem. A way to "fix" what was wrong with us.
So hubby was "checked out" and the results came back that he was just fine! He has plenty of "boys" and most of them knew how to move and get the job done! So I then "knew" that it was me. I was the reason that we couldn't get pregnant--or so I thought. The doctor ran a set of blood tests on me that checked levels of all kinds of hormones (estrogen, progesterone, etc.) and all the numbers came back perfect. Not a problem at all! So then she ran a set of tests to check my thyroid a a few other blood levels that can sometimes mess up your fertility. Again, perfect! No problems, nothing wrong. The doctor even used the words "textbook perfect results." Apparently nothing was wrong with either of us.
My doctor then began using the word "timing" a lot. She thought maybe our "timing" was off and we just needed a little something to help us "try" when we knew I would be ovulating. It was then decided that the medication Clomid was introduced into our lives. However, before she would prescribe it to me, I had to go in for a test called an HSG, or hysterosalpingogram. It is an X-Ray that looks inside the uterus and fallopian tubes. They make you have this test done to make sure there aren't any blockages in the fallopian tubes so that when you take the Clomid the eggs can get through and to make sure that a blockage isn't the reason that you can't get pregnant. It is also a way to check the size and shape of your uterus to make sure that there are no problems.
I had to go up to the Women's Hospital in Greensboro to have this test done. It was a less than pleasant experience. I had to lay down on this cold slab and have this large metal donut X-Ray machine put on top of my abdomen area. They then ran dye "up there" and hold it in place so it can flow through the uterus and fallopian tubes. This HURT!! The radiologist kept telling me to take in a deep breath and hold it. Once I got that deep breath in, the pain hit and I couldn't breathe again if I tried. She told me I may have some "mild cramping" during the test--HA! Mild cramping my tail!! I hurt like I had never hurt before. I remember laying there thinking that John was going to have to leave work and come get me because there is no way I could drive in this pain. And then it was over. The dye had ran through and they took the speculum out. The radiologist turned the screen around so that I could see the pictures she had taken. She happily informed me that I had a perfectly normal shaped uterus, no blockages in my tubes, and once again--nothing wrong!
The doctor called me in a prescription of Clomid 50 mg with instructions to take one pill a day on cycle days 3-7 and then "try" every other day from cycle days 8-22. (For those that think their hubby would be in heaven with their wife all over them for 15 days, think again. Sex became our job--all the enjoyment was out of it and we just did what we had to do. This took a toll on us mentally. I'm just so fortunate to have a great marriage and we made it through!) She told us this should make us get pregnant, no problem. She explained everything. And then she moved to West Virginia. No kidding. At this point it's May, 2010 and she's been with me during this whole journey and knows my whole history over the last infertile year...and then she's gone. No warning, no clue at all. Just gone! She put me on Clomid with the promise of a baby and was gone. I realize that she was not required to stay just for me, but for you women who really love and trust your gynecologist, it's hard to just up and be left!
Fortunately, my good friend Emily had just had her baby (our sweet goddaughter) and told me how much she loved her gynecology office. I got the phone number and called up there. I was so pleased to hear them answer the phone, "Wendover OB/GYN & INFERTILITY"!!! I was so happy, I cried out to the poor lady on the other end, "I need a fertility doctor!!!" She laughed and said "ma'am, all of our doctors here specialize in infertility--you are in good hands!" She set me up with Dr. Mody & gave me my first appointment in September, 2010. I had been on Clomid for 3 months at this point. When I went to see her, she asked me why I had been trying for 2 years and haven't done anything but 3 months of Clomid. I broke down crying and said that I had just been following the advice of the Doctor I was with before.
I remember asking her, "What's wrong with us? Why can't we get pregnant?" She told me that from what she could see from all our test results, we just had unexplained infertility. However, knowing the stress from my courthouse job, she said she thought that stress could be the culprit. This was the 4th doctor that had told me that. My old gynecologist, my family doctor and another gynecologist had all told me the same thing before. Knowing that my job could really be the reason I wasn't getting pregnant was just a slap to the face. She said it was time to leave all that in the past and asked me if we were ready to get aggressive with our infertility and beat it. Through big ole alligator tears, I told her that yes we were.
She laid out a plan. I was so happy I could have hugged her. I am such a plan girl and all of this infertility nonsense had gone totally against "my plan." She put me on Clomid 100mg for October and November and had me come back in and check to see if I really did ovulate. Blood results confirmed that I did. So when that didn't work, in December she had us do Clomid 100 again and then on cycle day 12 administered an HCG shot to trigger my ovulation. She instructed us to try within 24-48 hours. This was nice--instead of a marathon of forcing ourselves to be "in the mood" non-stop, we just had to have timed sex 2 times. We could enjoy ourselves after that! We really thought that we would have a nice Christmas surprise. Unfortunately, on December 23rd that dream was shattered by the presence of my monthly visitor. I was so upset that I just cried for hours. My poor husband couldn't console me and I think he even shed a few tears himself. It was so hard thinking we may have been able to share with our family a great Christmas miracle and then realizing that it wasn't happening--AGAIN!
Our next step in the plan was supposed to be an IUI in January. IUI is IntraUterine Insemination. This is a less than romantic process in conceiving. They take hubby's sperm and "wash" them to get the best sample. Then they will take the sperm and place them in a very thin catheter and insert it through my cervix into my uterus and deposit the sperm there. This puts them a lot closer to the fallopian tubes so they have a shorter distance to swim to the egg in the fallopian tubes. There was only one problem...my horrible job. At this point things were at their worst so I was in full fledge panic/anxiety/chest pains/high blood pressure/stressed out mode. I was so afraid that even if the IUI worked, my stress levels would cause me to miscarry. So we decided to hold off for a few months to see what happened. Well, God performed the miracle of making me a WAHW and now all my stress has subsided!
So that brings us to today, March 28, 2011. Tomorrow I will be going to see Dr. Mody to have my yearly check up and then she will perform an ultrasound to check my follicles. I took my clomid 100mg last week on the 5 days I was supposed to and I have my hcg trigger shot in the refrigerator to take up there with me tomorrow. If they find that I have some mature follicles, they will administer the hcg shot. I will then make the appointment for hubby and I to go back in a couple days to have our IUI procedure performed. We decided that it was time to take the plunge and start this procedure. We are having to let go of our "traditional views" on how a baby should be conceived and do what is necessary. Like we've been saying, if you are having a heart attack you don't just lay there hoping it will get better. You go to the hospital and allow doctors to make you better. I fully believe that God is the miracle worker and one of those miracles is giving our doctors the knowledge to help us cure our aches, pains, sickness, disorders, etc. So through prayer and a load of faith, we are going to go down this new road toward finally meeting our beautiful baby Griffin.
When John and I got married, we knew we wanted to start a family. For some reason, the thought of "what if we have trouble" stayed in our minds. We decided in September, 2008 to go off of birth control and just "see what happened." By my yearly check up in April, 2009, absolutely NOTHING had happened! So I told my doctor about us trying to get pregnant and that it had been about 7 months. She said she didn't want to put me on anything until we had been trying for a year. (I found out later that many doctors will start working on your infertility if you haven't gotten pregnant in 6 months--oh well.)
Up until this point, my courthouse job had been tough to deal with, but things really got horrible around this time. I began to have very irregular cycles after always being a 28-29 day cycle girl. At one point, I was having cycles lasting 45 days and 63 days. For a girl that had been trying to get pregnant for just under a year, missing your period means you take more pregnancy tests than I ever knew existed. Seeing that one line or "not pregnant" so many times was awful. It was at this time that I asked my doctor to run tests for us to find out who the culprit was...John or me. We both trusted each other that no matter who was having fertility issues that we wouldn't place blame or get upset with each other or ourselves. It was a solution to the problem. A way to "fix" what was wrong with us.
So hubby was "checked out" and the results came back that he was just fine! He has plenty of "boys" and most of them knew how to move and get the job done! So I then "knew" that it was me. I was the reason that we couldn't get pregnant--or so I thought. The doctor ran a set of blood tests on me that checked levels of all kinds of hormones (estrogen, progesterone, etc.) and all the numbers came back perfect. Not a problem at all! So then she ran a set of tests to check my thyroid a a few other blood levels that can sometimes mess up your fertility. Again, perfect! No problems, nothing wrong. The doctor even used the words "textbook perfect results." Apparently nothing was wrong with either of us.
My doctor then began using the word "timing" a lot. She thought maybe our "timing" was off and we just needed a little something to help us "try" when we knew I would be ovulating. It was then decided that the medication Clomid was introduced into our lives. However, before she would prescribe it to me, I had to go in for a test called an HSG, or hysterosalpingogram. It is an X-Ray that looks inside the uterus and fallopian tubes. They make you have this test done to make sure there aren't any blockages in the fallopian tubes so that when you take the Clomid the eggs can get through and to make sure that a blockage isn't the reason that you can't get pregnant. It is also a way to check the size and shape of your uterus to make sure that there are no problems.
I had to go up to the Women's Hospital in Greensboro to have this test done. It was a less than pleasant experience. I had to lay down on this cold slab and have this large metal donut X-Ray machine put on top of my abdomen area. They then ran dye "up there" and hold it in place so it can flow through the uterus and fallopian tubes. This HURT!! The radiologist kept telling me to take in a deep breath and hold it. Once I got that deep breath in, the pain hit and I couldn't breathe again if I tried. She told me I may have some "mild cramping" during the test--HA! Mild cramping my tail!! I hurt like I had never hurt before. I remember laying there thinking that John was going to have to leave work and come get me because there is no way I could drive in this pain. And then it was over. The dye had ran through and they took the speculum out. The radiologist turned the screen around so that I could see the pictures she had taken. She happily informed me that I had a perfectly normal shaped uterus, no blockages in my tubes, and once again--nothing wrong!
The doctor called me in a prescription of Clomid 50 mg with instructions to take one pill a day on cycle days 3-7 and then "try" every other day from cycle days 8-22. (For those that think their hubby would be in heaven with their wife all over them for 15 days, think again. Sex became our job--all the enjoyment was out of it and we just did what we had to do. This took a toll on us mentally. I'm just so fortunate to have a great marriage and we made it through!) She told us this should make us get pregnant, no problem. She explained everything. And then she moved to West Virginia. No kidding. At this point it's May, 2010 and she's been with me during this whole journey and knows my whole history over the last infertile year...and then she's gone. No warning, no clue at all. Just gone! She put me on Clomid with the promise of a baby and was gone. I realize that she was not required to stay just for me, but for you women who really love and trust your gynecologist, it's hard to just up and be left!
Fortunately, my good friend Emily had just had her baby (our sweet goddaughter) and told me how much she loved her gynecology office. I got the phone number and called up there. I was so pleased to hear them answer the phone, "Wendover OB/GYN & INFERTILITY"!!! I was so happy, I cried out to the poor lady on the other end, "I need a fertility doctor!!!" She laughed and said "ma'am, all of our doctors here specialize in infertility--you are in good hands!" She set me up with Dr. Mody & gave me my first appointment in September, 2010. I had been on Clomid for 3 months at this point. When I went to see her, she asked me why I had been trying for 2 years and haven't done anything but 3 months of Clomid. I broke down crying and said that I had just been following the advice of the Doctor I was with before.
I remember asking her, "What's wrong with us? Why can't we get pregnant?" She told me that from what she could see from all our test results, we just had unexplained infertility. However, knowing the stress from my courthouse job, she said she thought that stress could be the culprit. This was the 4th doctor that had told me that. My old gynecologist, my family doctor and another gynecologist had all told me the same thing before. Knowing that my job could really be the reason I wasn't getting pregnant was just a slap to the face. She said it was time to leave all that in the past and asked me if we were ready to get aggressive with our infertility and beat it. Through big ole alligator tears, I told her that yes we were.
She laid out a plan. I was so happy I could have hugged her. I am such a plan girl and all of this infertility nonsense had gone totally against "my plan." She put me on Clomid 100mg for October and November and had me come back in and check to see if I really did ovulate. Blood results confirmed that I did. So when that didn't work, in December she had us do Clomid 100 again and then on cycle day 12 administered an HCG shot to trigger my ovulation. She instructed us to try within 24-48 hours. This was nice--instead of a marathon of forcing ourselves to be "in the mood" non-stop, we just had to have timed sex 2 times. We could enjoy ourselves after that! We really thought that we would have a nice Christmas surprise. Unfortunately, on December 23rd that dream was shattered by the presence of my monthly visitor. I was so upset that I just cried for hours. My poor husband couldn't console me and I think he even shed a few tears himself. It was so hard thinking we may have been able to share with our family a great Christmas miracle and then realizing that it wasn't happening--AGAIN!
Our next step in the plan was supposed to be an IUI in January. IUI is IntraUterine Insemination. This is a less than romantic process in conceiving. They take hubby's sperm and "wash" them to get the best sample. Then they will take the sperm and place them in a very thin catheter and insert it through my cervix into my uterus and deposit the sperm there. This puts them a lot closer to the fallopian tubes so they have a shorter distance to swim to the egg in the fallopian tubes. There was only one problem...my horrible job. At this point things were at their worst so I was in full fledge panic/anxiety/chest pains/high blood pressure/stressed out mode. I was so afraid that even if the IUI worked, my stress levels would cause me to miscarry. So we decided to hold off for a few months to see what happened. Well, God performed the miracle of making me a WAHW and now all my stress has subsided!
So that brings us to today, March 28, 2011. Tomorrow I will be going to see Dr. Mody to have my yearly check up and then she will perform an ultrasound to check my follicles. I took my clomid 100mg last week on the 5 days I was supposed to and I have my hcg trigger shot in the refrigerator to take up there with me tomorrow. If they find that I have some mature follicles, they will administer the hcg shot. I will then make the appointment for hubby and I to go back in a couple days to have our IUI procedure performed. We decided that it was time to take the plunge and start this procedure. We are having to let go of our "traditional views" on how a baby should be conceived and do what is necessary. Like we've been saying, if you are having a heart attack you don't just lay there hoping it will get better. You go to the hospital and allow doctors to make you better. I fully believe that God is the miracle worker and one of those miracles is giving our doctors the knowledge to help us cure our aches, pains, sickness, disorders, etc. So through prayer and a load of faith, we are going to go down this new road toward finally meeting our beautiful baby Griffin.
March 28, 2011
WAHW...Thirty-One Style!!
To tell you the "cause" of our infertility, I first have to explain how I have come to be a happy WAHW (Work at Home Wife). I graduated from North Carolina State University in 2004 at 22 years old and ready to conquer the world! I "knew" to be successful in life I would have to find a high-power corporate job and work my way to the top!
So I got my first job at a home medical company working in their corporate office. It was an OK job and I met some very good friends, Jamie & Na'im. I'm so thankful that years later, after all 3 of us have left that job, we have remained great friends! A year and a half later, I got a huge step up job working for our County Manager and Board of Commissioners. This job should have been the end of my story. I worked under the Clerk to the Board, Cheryl, and she was the best boss and became as close to me as family! After working there for 2 years, I got offered a position with the State working at the Courthouse in a new program that was being implemented. It was a lot more money and since I was getting married and buying a house, I felt this was the right move to make. Boy, was I WRONG!!!
So I said a tearful goodbye to Cheryl and went to work at the courthouse. It wasn't so bad at first. I worked with 2 other women--one of which was my relative. Over time, these 2 women became very close friends--which ended up not boding too well for me. For the next two years, I dealt with hostility, harrassment, sabotage and one of the worst work environments I could have possibly imagined. It got so bad that now I no longer consider my own relative a family member--and neither do my husband or parents. I ended up having constant chest pains that felt like a heart attack, high blood pressure (148/110) & horrible anxiety. Oh, and I forgot to mention...INFERTILITY!! But we'll go into the details of that later.
The one good thing about going to the courthouse was that is where God led me to Thirty-One!! My friend Sarah brought a catalog filled with beautiful treasures and asked me if I wanted to take a look at it. I'm a purse/tote/organizing bags fanatic so of course I wanted to check it out. At the time, hubby and I were working very hard to get out of debt (still are!) and so I knew I wouldn't be able to get everything I wanted in the catalog--which was EVERYTHING!! I flipped to the back of the catalog and my life was changed. I saw the beautiful items worth over $300 but I would get it for only $99!! I figured what could it hurt. I knew I could do the 2 or 3 parties it would take to earn my money back and then I would be done. I had tried a different direct sales business in the past and was just not good at it at all--and that's putting it nicely. John likes to say that I couldn't sell honey to a bee! He's so sweet!! But I talked to him about it and even though we were both skeptic that I would make anything out of it, he agreed it was worth a shot. Like he said, even if I just made $50 a month, that would be enough to pay a bill or two!
So I contacted a consultant that was featured in that season's catalog that lived near me--about 45 minutes away. Little did I know this woman, Jen, is a powerhouse in the company--achieving the highest title of Senior Executive Director in just a little over 2 years! I knew I was in good hands. So on May 1, 2010, I signed up under Jen and got 2 parties booked. Well, just wanting to make enough to pay my kit price back happened in my first party! Those 2 parties multiplied and I started having friends and random people wanting to sign up to do what I was doing--Partying for a Living!! I promoted to Senior Consultant the same month I signed up and then promoted to Director in September, 2010--just 4 months after signing up!! I had finally found my happy job. It wasn't the typical 8-5, M-F, get up go to the office kind of job. It wasn't the corporate powerhouse I thought I was SUPPOSED to have. It was better!! By the end of the year, I had made an additional almost $12,000 in 7 months!
However, the courthouse job just kept getting worse and worse. I cried every morning having to get ready and drive to work and then cried every night knowing that I had to go back to the courthouse the next day. Saturdays became my only good day of the week. Sunday around 4-6 p.m. I would think about having to go to work the next day and face "them" and the tears would just start flowing. I was absolutely miserable--and this was on top of being miserable because we aren't getting pregnant.
The last straw was when I finally had to go to see my doctor because my heart was beating through my chest and my chest pains were so severe that I couldn't take a deep breath. Dr. Scott's nurse opened up a new box of tissues for me at that appointment and by the end of it, I had cried through the ENTIRE BOX of tissues. He told me right then and there that if something didn't change, I was going to end up very sick, or worse, dead. That truly scared me. He said he wanted to take me out on medical leave, but I was so afraid of the retribution if I had gone out on medical leave that I begged him not to. Dr. Scott told me that he would give me a few weeks to "figure something out" but if it didn't get better, he wouldn't give me the option of going on medical leave. He said that as my physician and knowing that my health was being affected, he would HAVE to step in. This was January 31, 2011.
On February 2, 2011, I got information from a friend of mine at the courthouse that the State was offering a severance package to those that would volunteer to leave. It was called a Voluntary Reduction in Force and it was only being offered to the Judicial Branch. That included me!! I sent in my application to see what I would be offered. John and I agreed that if we could at least get 2 months pay out of the deal, we could make it work. And me being happy and healthy again would be so worth it. I got my estimate back 2 days later and I saw my sign--I got 2 months pay EXACTLY...just what we said we needed. As an added bonus, I found out that I would get my health insurance paid for a full year. I was so excited and overcome with God's grace. I knew this was my sign to finally GET OUT! A week later I was able to pack up and walk out with my head held high. Even through one last sabotage from "them"--I just didn't care! I was going to be out of there and I was so happy!!
So now, I am officially a WAHW and loving it! I am also happier and healthier than I have been in 2 years. My blood pressure is almost back to normal, chest pains are a thing of the past, and my anxiety is nothing more than just a distant memory. It wouldn't have been possible without God bringing Thirty-One in my life. I know that. I trust that. I believe that. And it just keeps getting better! I found out today that I am about to have a 2nd director under me which will promote me to Senior Director by April!! That means I will have promoted to the 4th level in the company in less than a year! This promotion will really boost my paycheck and allow me to remain a WAHW without having to get a part time job. It's also going to help us afford various drugs and procedures to have a baby!! I couldn't understand for a long time why God was making me stay in this awful job at the courthouse when I was so miserable. But I can now see the amazing plan He had by bringing Thirty-One into my life and blessing this business so that when the opportunity came, I would be able to leave and still be taken care of. I just hope that the next step of the plan is to make us parents. Especially now that I will have the opportunity to stay at home with my child(ren)!
So I got my first job at a home medical company working in their corporate office. It was an OK job and I met some very good friends, Jamie & Na'im. I'm so thankful that years later, after all 3 of us have left that job, we have remained great friends! A year and a half later, I got a huge step up job working for our County Manager and Board of Commissioners. This job should have been the end of my story. I worked under the Clerk to the Board, Cheryl, and she was the best boss and became as close to me as family! After working there for 2 years, I got offered a position with the State working at the Courthouse in a new program that was being implemented. It was a lot more money and since I was getting married and buying a house, I felt this was the right move to make. Boy, was I WRONG!!!
So I said a tearful goodbye to Cheryl and went to work at the courthouse. It wasn't so bad at first. I worked with 2 other women--one of which was my relative. Over time, these 2 women became very close friends--which ended up not boding too well for me. For the next two years, I dealt with hostility, harrassment, sabotage and one of the worst work environments I could have possibly imagined. It got so bad that now I no longer consider my own relative a family member--and neither do my husband or parents. I ended up having constant chest pains that felt like a heart attack, high blood pressure (148/110) & horrible anxiety. Oh, and I forgot to mention...INFERTILITY!! But we'll go into the details of that later.
The one good thing about going to the courthouse was that is where God led me to Thirty-One!! My friend Sarah brought a catalog filled with beautiful treasures and asked me if I wanted to take a look at it. I'm a purse/tote/organizing bags fanatic so of course I wanted to check it out. At the time, hubby and I were working very hard to get out of debt (still are!) and so I knew I wouldn't be able to get everything I wanted in the catalog--which was EVERYTHING!! I flipped to the back of the catalog and my life was changed. I saw the beautiful items worth over $300 but I would get it for only $99!! I figured what could it hurt. I knew I could do the 2 or 3 parties it would take to earn my money back and then I would be done. I had tried a different direct sales business in the past and was just not good at it at all--and that's putting it nicely. John likes to say that I couldn't sell honey to a bee! He's so sweet!! But I talked to him about it and even though we were both skeptic that I would make anything out of it, he agreed it was worth a shot. Like he said, even if I just made $50 a month, that would be enough to pay a bill or two!
So I contacted a consultant that was featured in that season's catalog that lived near me--about 45 minutes away. Little did I know this woman, Jen, is a powerhouse in the company--achieving the highest title of Senior Executive Director in just a little over 2 years! I knew I was in good hands. So on May 1, 2010, I signed up under Jen and got 2 parties booked. Well, just wanting to make enough to pay my kit price back happened in my first party! Those 2 parties multiplied and I started having friends and random people wanting to sign up to do what I was doing--Partying for a Living!! I promoted to Senior Consultant the same month I signed up and then promoted to Director in September, 2010--just 4 months after signing up!! I had finally found my happy job. It wasn't the typical 8-5, M-F, get up go to the office kind of job. It wasn't the corporate powerhouse I thought I was SUPPOSED to have. It was better!! By the end of the year, I had made an additional almost $12,000 in 7 months!
However, the courthouse job just kept getting worse and worse. I cried every morning having to get ready and drive to work and then cried every night knowing that I had to go back to the courthouse the next day. Saturdays became my only good day of the week. Sunday around 4-6 p.m. I would think about having to go to work the next day and face "them" and the tears would just start flowing. I was absolutely miserable--and this was on top of being miserable because we aren't getting pregnant.
The last straw was when I finally had to go to see my doctor because my heart was beating through my chest and my chest pains were so severe that I couldn't take a deep breath. Dr. Scott's nurse opened up a new box of tissues for me at that appointment and by the end of it, I had cried through the ENTIRE BOX of tissues. He told me right then and there that if something didn't change, I was going to end up very sick, or worse, dead. That truly scared me. He said he wanted to take me out on medical leave, but I was so afraid of the retribution if I had gone out on medical leave that I begged him not to. Dr. Scott told me that he would give me a few weeks to "figure something out" but if it didn't get better, he wouldn't give me the option of going on medical leave. He said that as my physician and knowing that my health was being affected, he would HAVE to step in. This was January 31, 2011.
On February 2, 2011, I got information from a friend of mine at the courthouse that the State was offering a severance package to those that would volunteer to leave. It was called a Voluntary Reduction in Force and it was only being offered to the Judicial Branch. That included me!! I sent in my application to see what I would be offered. John and I agreed that if we could at least get 2 months pay out of the deal, we could make it work. And me being happy and healthy again would be so worth it. I got my estimate back 2 days later and I saw my sign--I got 2 months pay EXACTLY...just what we said we needed. As an added bonus, I found out that I would get my health insurance paid for a full year. I was so excited and overcome with God's grace. I knew this was my sign to finally GET OUT! A week later I was able to pack up and walk out with my head held high. Even through one last sabotage from "them"--I just didn't care! I was going to be out of there and I was so happy!!
So now, I am officially a WAHW and loving it! I am also happier and healthier than I have been in 2 years. My blood pressure is almost back to normal, chest pains are a thing of the past, and my anxiety is nothing more than just a distant memory. It wouldn't have been possible without God bringing Thirty-One in my life. I know that. I trust that. I believe that. And it just keeps getting better! I found out today that I am about to have a 2nd director under me which will promote me to Senior Director by April!! That means I will have promoted to the 4th level in the company in less than a year! This promotion will really boost my paycheck and allow me to remain a WAHW without having to get a part time job. It's also going to help us afford various drugs and procedures to have a baby!! I couldn't understand for a long time why God was making me stay in this awful job at the courthouse when I was so miserable. But I can now see the amazing plan He had by bringing Thirty-One into my life and blessing this business so that when the opportunity came, I would be able to leave and still be taken care of. I just hope that the next step of the plan is to make us parents. Especially now that I will have the opportunity to stay at home with my child(ren)!
What's in a Name?
got a miracle? That's the name of my blog and a question I've been asking for a while now. I totally believe in miracles. I've seen them performed in my life and in the lives of so many of my family and friends.
My husband survived his Humvee being blown up by an IED in Iraq with a few scratches and a banged up knee when he was deployed in 2007. That was a miracle!
I joined a company, Thirty-One Gifts, hoping to just get some cute bags at a discount, and now it is my full time job and I make more with my home business than I did at my State job. That is a miracle!
Our 1-year-old goddaughter was supposed to have surgery for a problem with her eye they had been battling since she was born. Right when Emily (her mom and my best friend) was supposed to make the appointment, the eye fixed itself and she doesn't need surgery now. That was a miracle!
I am so fortunate to come from a Christian family and be married to a Christian man. We have faith in God that miracles do happen and that He is in control of everything! We feel like it will "take a miracle" for us to get pregnant and have a baby and we have faith that God will make that happen!
So when trying to come up with a name for my blog, I kept thinking about how it truly will be a miracle for us to become parents. And for my teacher friends--yes I know I didn't use proper capitalization! I chose not to do it the right way because in this struggle of trying to get pregnant, I've realized that there is no "right way" of making a baby. I always thought that 2 people fell in love, got married and then had sex and a baby was sure to follow! Well--HA HA HA!!! I've learned that you have to take pills, have shots, and (SHOCKER) not even necessary to have sex to have a baby! Everything we learned in school and were told to scare the crap out of us when we are young adults was about 1% of the truth! I remember being in the 5th grade in Mrs. Brown's class when they split the boys and girls up to have "the talk" with us and we were all convinced that once we were adults, if any of us girls even saw a penis, we would be knocked up at that second! Again I say, HA HA HA!!!
My husband survived his Humvee being blown up by an IED in Iraq with a few scratches and a banged up knee when he was deployed in 2007. That was a miracle!
I joined a company, Thirty-One Gifts, hoping to just get some cute bags at a discount, and now it is my full time job and I make more with my home business than I did at my State job. That is a miracle!
Our 1-year-old goddaughter was supposed to have surgery for a problem with her eye they had been battling since she was born. Right when Emily (her mom and my best friend) was supposed to make the appointment, the eye fixed itself and she doesn't need surgery now. That was a miracle!
I am so fortunate to come from a Christian family and be married to a Christian man. We have faith in God that miracles do happen and that He is in control of everything! We feel like it will "take a miracle" for us to get pregnant and have a baby and we have faith that God will make that happen!
So when trying to come up with a name for my blog, I kept thinking about how it truly will be a miracle for us to become parents. And for my teacher friends--yes I know I didn't use proper capitalization! I chose not to do it the right way because in this struggle of trying to get pregnant, I've realized that there is no "right way" of making a baby. I always thought that 2 people fell in love, got married and then had sex and a baby was sure to follow! Well--HA HA HA!!! I've learned that you have to take pills, have shots, and (SHOCKER) not even necessary to have sex to have a baby! Everything we learned in school and were told to scare the crap out of us when we are young adults was about 1% of the truth! I remember being in the 5th grade in Mrs. Brown's class when they split the boys and girls up to have "the talk" with us and we were all convinced that once we were adults, if any of us girls even saw a penis, we would be knocked up at that second! Again I say, HA HA HA!!!
Introductions and Admissions
Hello World! My name is Amanda Griffin. I am happily married to my best friend, John! We met when he was still in the Marine Corps back in 2006 and got married May 17, 2008. He is now a Sheriff's Deputy and I am so fortunate to be a work at home wife. I am an Independent Director with Thirty-One Gifts--a wonderful company that has changed my life and the life of our little family. (I will delve into this in a later post.) We live in a small town in North Carolina--I'm so happy to be a sweet Southern girl! We have 2 of the most loveable fur-babies you will ever meet--a 3-year-old yellow lab named Semper and a 2-year-old Australian Blue Heeler named Maggie Rae. We also are so fortunate to be the godparents of our best friends' beautiful 1-year-old daughter, Julianna Hope. She is a bundle of love and sweetness and we love her to pieces!
Ok--those are the introductions. I'm sure I will divulge more personal likes, dislikes, fun facts about John and me throughout this blog in the future. However, that's not why I started this blog. I started this blog to have an outlet. An outlet for my frustration, anger, tears, joys, good news, bad news, hopelessness, faith, rants and raves about the one thing that has enveloped our lifes for the past two and a half years. That one thing...Unexplained Infertility!!
There--I said it!! It's out there now for the whole world to see. And that's just the way I want it. We have hidden behind the "shame" of not being able to get pregnant for the bulk of our marriage--only letting a few family members and very close trusted friends know. Everyone else has been told the "lie" of "we are just enjoying our marriage and we'll have children whenever God decides to bless us with them." It's not totally a lie--we know that God is in control of our lives and when He is ready for us to have children--we will. But the lie is the fake happy smile we put on our faces and the cheery voices we use when we say it. We make it sound to the general population like having a child is just the farthest thing from our minds and we are just totally carefree and enjoying every second of being childless.
The truth--we are miserable. Now before everyone starts placing bets on when we will split up--put your wallets away. John and I are not miserable with each other. We love each other very much and the truth is this awful experience has truly brought us even closer and deepened our love and trust for each other even more! We are miserable with having this deep, gut-wrenching desire to have a child and being unable to give that to each other.
I have learned through many life experiences that when I hold my emotions in--it just comes out even worse later! This has been extremely apparent with our infertility struggles. I would think it was "the month" and then when I found out it wasn't, I would just want to cry and cry and not get out of bed. I realized quickly how debilitating that was to me and my husband. So then, in my own true fashion, I started to hold it all in. I wouldn't cry (at least not in front of anyone), I wouldn't talk about it--I basically just shut down. I put up my brick wall and hid behind it. Eventually, my emotions would overflow and I would just be so upset it would make me sick.
Please don't think I'm just over-reacting and tell me to "just quit trying so hard--it'll happen when you aren't thinking about it!" (This and many other awful phrases are degrading to couples going through infertility--you think it's helping--IT'S NOT!) My sweet husband and I are entering our 31st month of trying to get pregnant!! Yes you read that correctly--30 failed attempts at trying to make a beautiful Griffin baby. That's 2 years and 6 months of this labor of love that just will not pay off!! In the time that we have been trying to start our family, we have had friends, family, co-workers, etc. get pregnant, have their baby, get pregnant again, and now have their 2nd baby!! As happy as we are for these people, it just reminds us that we have yet to experience that joy.
So, in trying to find a balance between tearful depression and a brick wall, I turned to this: my new blog. I have 2 different friends that started writing a blog as soon as they got pregnant and I have really loved getting to follow them as they shared all the joys of pregnancy and then the milestones of their now 1-year-old babies. I longed for the day that I would be pregnant and able to start writing a blog and sharing with the world my day to day experiences as an expectant mom. Well after 30 months of not being able to write that blog, I decided, Why Wait? I needed an outlet--so I've made one! I now have a place to talk about Clomid, injectables, procedures, moodiness from fertility drugs (oh the tears!), and hopefully one day SUCCESS!!
That's why we keep pressing on is for that one day! The one day when I get to look my hubby in the eyes and tell him he's going to be a daddy! That one day will make all of this worth it! Until then--we will keep pressing on! And now have a place to chronicle all of the crazy mishaps of our journey.
I will put in a different post all the medical details of our struggles for those that want to know the gritty details--after 30 months of this I'm not shy to discuss this stuff anymore! I will go ahead and admit that for right now, I will not be sharing my blog site with anyone I know! I will publish all my posts so that is out on the live web, but I do plan on putting info on any medicines, procedures, and hopefully our success in my blog. Hubby and I have both agreed that WHEN (being positive!) we do get pregnant, we don't want to announce it to anyone other than very close family members until we get safely through our 1st trimester. However, I have always been the kind of girl that wants to share great information! So I know that when I (finally) am pregnant, I'm going to want to blab it! This blog gives me a chance to blab without telling anyone!! I plan on making my blog public to friends and family after we reach that milestone.
But for now, to those that happen to find their way to my little corner of the internet world, I hope you can understand and appreciate my reasons for creating this blog and wish us loads of baby dust to help our journey towards parenthood. And to those that are also going through infertility struggles, please know you are not alone and we will be praying for you as we hope you will for us!
Ok--those are the introductions. I'm sure I will divulge more personal likes, dislikes, fun facts about John and me throughout this blog in the future. However, that's not why I started this blog. I started this blog to have an outlet. An outlet for my frustration, anger, tears, joys, good news, bad news, hopelessness, faith, rants and raves about the one thing that has enveloped our lifes for the past two and a half years. That one thing...Unexplained Infertility!!
There--I said it!! It's out there now for the whole world to see. And that's just the way I want it. We have hidden behind the "shame" of not being able to get pregnant for the bulk of our marriage--only letting a few family members and very close trusted friends know. Everyone else has been told the "lie" of "we are just enjoying our marriage and we'll have children whenever God decides to bless us with them." It's not totally a lie--we know that God is in control of our lives and when He is ready for us to have children--we will. But the lie is the fake happy smile we put on our faces and the cheery voices we use when we say it. We make it sound to the general population like having a child is just the farthest thing from our minds and we are just totally carefree and enjoying every second of being childless.
The truth--we are miserable. Now before everyone starts placing bets on when we will split up--put your wallets away. John and I are not miserable with each other. We love each other very much and the truth is this awful experience has truly brought us even closer and deepened our love and trust for each other even more! We are miserable with having this deep, gut-wrenching desire to have a child and being unable to give that to each other.
I have learned through many life experiences that when I hold my emotions in--it just comes out even worse later! This has been extremely apparent with our infertility struggles. I would think it was "the month" and then when I found out it wasn't, I would just want to cry and cry and not get out of bed. I realized quickly how debilitating that was to me and my husband. So then, in my own true fashion, I started to hold it all in. I wouldn't cry (at least not in front of anyone), I wouldn't talk about it--I basically just shut down. I put up my brick wall and hid behind it. Eventually, my emotions would overflow and I would just be so upset it would make me sick.
Please don't think I'm just over-reacting and tell me to "just quit trying so hard--it'll happen when you aren't thinking about it!" (This and many other awful phrases are degrading to couples going through infertility--you think it's helping--IT'S NOT!) My sweet husband and I are entering our 31st month of trying to get pregnant!! Yes you read that correctly--30 failed attempts at trying to make a beautiful Griffin baby. That's 2 years and 6 months of this labor of love that just will not pay off!! In the time that we have been trying to start our family, we have had friends, family, co-workers, etc. get pregnant, have their baby, get pregnant again, and now have their 2nd baby!! As happy as we are for these people, it just reminds us that we have yet to experience that joy.
So, in trying to find a balance between tearful depression and a brick wall, I turned to this: my new blog. I have 2 different friends that started writing a blog as soon as they got pregnant and I have really loved getting to follow them as they shared all the joys of pregnancy and then the milestones of their now 1-year-old babies. I longed for the day that I would be pregnant and able to start writing a blog and sharing with the world my day to day experiences as an expectant mom. Well after 30 months of not being able to write that blog, I decided, Why Wait? I needed an outlet--so I've made one! I now have a place to talk about Clomid, injectables, procedures, moodiness from fertility drugs (oh the tears!), and hopefully one day SUCCESS!!
That's why we keep pressing on is for that one day! The one day when I get to look my hubby in the eyes and tell him he's going to be a daddy! That one day will make all of this worth it! Until then--we will keep pressing on! And now have a place to chronicle all of the crazy mishaps of our journey.
I will put in a different post all the medical details of our struggles for those that want to know the gritty details--after 30 months of this I'm not shy to discuss this stuff anymore! I will go ahead and admit that for right now, I will not be sharing my blog site with anyone I know! I will publish all my posts so that is out on the live web, but I do plan on putting info on any medicines, procedures, and hopefully our success in my blog. Hubby and I have both agreed that WHEN (being positive!) we do get pregnant, we don't want to announce it to anyone other than very close family members until we get safely through our 1st trimester. However, I have always been the kind of girl that wants to share great information! So I know that when I (finally) am pregnant, I'm going to want to blab it! This blog gives me a chance to blab without telling anyone!! I plan on making my blog public to friends and family after we reach that milestone.
But for now, to those that happen to find their way to my little corner of the internet world, I hope you can understand and appreciate my reasons for creating this blog and wish us loads of baby dust to help our journey towards parenthood. And to those that are also going through infertility struggles, please know you are not alone and we will be praying for you as we hope you will for us!
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